I ate a lot of bagels growing up (yes, I am Jewish, thanks for asking!), and I’ve never once stabbed myself with a serrated knife. Know why? Because my generous and thoughtful parents raised me with a bagel guillotine in the house. Brutal name, I know, but a good description of the product—it’s a lo-fi contraption that holds your bagel steady while you push a slicer blade straight through it. Sounds like a goofy single-use tool, right?
Consider this: according to the data dorks at Freakonomics, bagel-slicing is “the fifth most dangerous activity in the American kitchen.” Bagels are hard to cut! Even if you have the technique down—one wrong move and you’ve got a blade coming right for your thumb.
Enter the bagel guillotine, aka the reason I haven’t lost any digits to a bagel-induced accident. It’s also the reason I value an evenly-sliced bagel—with a guillotine, you’re guaranteed to get a cut right down the dead-center of your bagel. This is important, people—an unevenly sliced bagel is an absolute waste of a bagel, unless you’re into a completely inconsistent bread-to-cream-cheese ratio.
So take it from me, an enthusiastic owner: the bagel guillotine is a must-have for people who like their thumbs and also appreciate a properly sliced bagel.